Gimpy with the Limpy.

I think that could be the name of a pornographic film but only if there was a sub sect of pornographic horror film (although I think all horror films try to incorporate some sort of pornographic feature to them)

The other day I had the pleasure of going to Lodi, CA with my roommate (funny to say that), Lidia, to meet her family for a family party they were having. This was all well and good as I got to get out of the house and see the California country side. It's like Iowa but 90 degrees warmer. Lovely.

While Lidia caught up with her adult family the youthful family (toddlers to teenagers), her cousins, set up soccer nets to play a game against each other.

I've never played soccer, not really. And when I saw them I thought "Well it'll give me something to do and they're little so it'll be fun to beat up on them and feel supremely athletic." Walking over to play I had no idea they all had been playing soccer since they were in the womb and most of them were being recruited by Manchester United.

I was quickly lost and called a cheater several times for not abiding by the rules of soccer, even in this informal setting they had rules? By far the best of them was a 9 year old boy. I made it my goal to own him cause he was a little full of himself. I wanted to prove to him that life didn't work that way. That exercising humility was a good thing thus dashing any hopes he might have for a professional soccer future.

We faced off many times and his teammate (slightly older cousin) said to me "He's going to juke all over you." Being the soccer pro that I am I said "I don't think any nine year old should be doing any such thing." Seriously I had no idea what he was talking about. I knew that I wanted to make him sorry for being a very talented young soccer player. Where did he get off feeling confident about himself and his skills? What was that about? Where were his self depreciating mannerisms?

We were again matched up when I found I had a chance to kick the ball away from him, or so I thought. I extended my left leg over my right and attempted to kick the ball with the side of my left foot, when the ball suddenly moved. I think this is where the juking came in to play. My foot landed not on the ball but smack into the ground. I knew instantaneously this was not good.

I swore a lot, and made an excuse to leave the field as quickly as possible (i.e. my drink was being watered down by the melting ice and this was not acceptable).

The long short of this is my foot; I sprained it. I think. It is bruised and swollen and it hurts. I'm saying it's sprained and not broke because without insurance a broken foot is so not fun.

Pre-broken foot I had been fantasizing about having a completely leisurely life where the purpose for my existence was to be there for my friends and to do what I pleased when I pleased. Unfortunately this is far from the case...well, I can kind of do what I please as I still have no job...but no job = no money so not much to do. So I did and do a lot of walking and exploring; this is true. This hilly city and now with my gimp foot has proved to be a bit challenging. I determined that I was going to use the walking as a form of mediation/focus/healing (more cause I like they way it sounds over than I actually think that would work or make me better) I find myself in some spots walking up the street, literally, going "jesus christ, mother whore, fucking fuck fuck fuck...does this hill ever end. why, why is there a hill, what fuck hill fuck hill why." Something like that and I'm sorry that was so graphic, but it's just very true. When i finally reach the top of a very trying hill with my foot throbbing I do a mini fist pump, point to the base of the hill and shout "yeah. who owns it. who owns it. I own it. I own all of you." it's actually a very pathetic sight to see; me sweaty and slouching down and the fist pump is more like a hand on my hip finger waggle while I suck in deep breath after deep breath relieved that with every large up hill comes a very large down hill. I do hope my foot heals quicker than later my exploring will just be not as fun any other way.